Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
