it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
