I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
