I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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