It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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