god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
