I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
