guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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