420 ftw
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
