he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
