Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
