just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
His nipple licking is glorious
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