So drunk its hurt
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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