before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
