and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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