All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
