I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
