Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize