a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
