A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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