The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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