you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
