i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
