So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
