for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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