Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
