don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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