one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
