I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
