When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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