Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Vodka?
Forever.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize