Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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