Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
