he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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