don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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