see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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