Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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