do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize