I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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