I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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