You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
