just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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