But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
