Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
