dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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