If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
