im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
