I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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