Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
As shirtless as possible
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
