He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
