Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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