my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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