I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
