You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
