She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
