No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
