So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize