i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
worst night to have a conscience
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
