i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
