My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
