On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
