Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
