I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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