OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
