And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
