WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
