I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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