it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
be right there i have to get my cape
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
